Don’t dream, it’s over
Posted in England, Life on

I don’t know where the hours disappear to every single day. I know days go by quickly when you are busy, but my days just fly by without me really doing anything! I get up quite early every morning, normally around 8 in order to have the table ready and set, and the newspaper collected from the little Tesco store down the street, before he wakes up. And today I didn’t even have to accompany him to church, his neighbour took him, so suddenly I had the whole Sunday free to do as I pleased!

So all I did today, really, was to stroll the short way from where I live to the Kensington Gardens, where I sat and read “Room” by Emma Donoghue for a little while. Then I moved on to Starbucks down in Gloucester Rd, where I sat for a few hours with my Coconut Iced Caramel Macchiato and did a little damage in Photoshop, stretching my creativity skills. After that I just tested out a new route on my way home again, stopping at the Tesco Superstore in Cromwell Rd to buy a couple of things for breakfast tomorrow. All in all, a very nice, but absolutely stunningly uneventful day. But I suppose that’s what Sunday’s are for, right?

Still, I love to just walk around the different parts of London. The area around where I live, Kensington, is so beautiful. Every time I turn a street corner, I’m mesmerised by something new. So I thought I’d share the beauty of London in the form of a few pictures I snapped in some of the many streets I passed on my way home.

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I love the contrasts in this picture, from the gorgeous white house, to the vivid green and red plants in the garden.

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Londoners, or perhaps Brits in general, are so good at decorating their houses with plants! I adore it.

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This is what I want my future to look like. I want to live in this building and I really want this  cute, blue car.

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Oh, the perks of being rich… Let’s be real, I will never be able to afford living here.

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A cute, tiny little dead-end street.

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And last, but not least; Glyn Mansions, Hammersmith Rd, where I live on the ground floor.

I feel a little bit melancholy walking around like this, because I have officially decided that I’m going home by the end of the summer to study in Trondheim instead. I feel like that’s what I need at the moment. Something stable and easy, and just to be surrounded by my friends. Although I am absolutely in love with London, and I’m still determined to move here some day, I know that it takes a little bit more pre-planning than I did before I came. So I will try again, probably next year, but I’m very glad I spent the summer here either way. It’s been absolutely lovely to get to know the city, I’m even more convinced than ever that this is where I want to live, and I’ve also familiarised myself with the process of applying to universities here, as well as how to find a place to stay. So it has definitely not been a waste.

Even if I had decided to push my luck a little bit further and see if I could get into university on Clearing (which is the same as being waitlisted in Norway), I still wouldn’t want to live the way that I do now. Although the people I live with are absolutely lovely, and it’s an amazing deal, which I am certain I get a lot more benefits from than they do, the problem (like I wrote in my previous post) is me. I can’t live in a place where I’m not 100 % comfortable, I need a place where I can unwind completely and properly retreat to my room if I want to. Also, I don’t want to live in a place that limits me in any way. I don’t want a curfew, I don’t want anyone to be dependent on me and I don’t want to be bound to do certain things every single day. I’m very grateful, but it’s just not what I wanted.

So now I just have to find a way to break it to them. Ugh, I hate that. I don’t want to cause them any problems or extra headaches, and I’m sure it won’t be easy to find a new person to come and stay here in such a short time. I feel awfully guilty about that, but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. Better to tell them sooner rather than later, right? Right.

 





Why am I like this
Posted in England, Life, Thoughts on

Keeping true to tradition, I am once again writing this post from *drum roll* – you guessed it! Starbucks. However, something has changed. I no longer sit at Starbucks because it’s the closest thing to home, now I sit at Starbucks to get some time away from “home”. My, how things have changed…

Although I have been very lucky to find this place where I now live, practically for free, practically in central London, I must admit that the situation is… difficult for me. It’s quite uncomfortable moving into someone else’s home in general, but the feeling is heightened by my never knowing quite what is expected of me. And I really don’t like it. I like to have my work load, and what is expected of me, written out crystal clear. I like to know  what I should do, when I should do it and how it should be done. And this situation is so… diffuse.

When I’m in the house, I can’t really seem to relax one hundred percent, as I always feel like I should be doing something, doing more, to “earn” my staying there. Like I’m constantly at work. And when I do my chores I feel like I’m not doing them well enough, as the gentleman I am living with is very particular about how he wants things done and where things should be. Very particular. So most likely when I perform a task, he will come around later and do it all over again, because I didn’t do it right. Or I didn’t do it well enough. I really hate that. It’s like staring in a new job and not getting any training, you only get told off every time you make a mistake.

Of course, I know he’s an old man who is set in his ways, and I know that when you’re older you appreciate routine and familiarity. And some people are just more detail oriented than others, which is absolutely fine. 

The problem is me. I just have a serious dutiful-good-girl syndrome that makes me unable to handle being anything less than perfect. I’m not very good with criticism, although I would like to be. I know constructive criticism is good. I know it’s meant to be helpful and something to learn by, but truthfully it makes me feel like a total failure. I need to be perfect. I need to be good enough. I need to master everything immediately. I need to be efficient and faultless. And of course, I’m not. I’m only human after all. It’s ridiculous, but I’ve always been like this though.

The problem is me because I’m not very tidy or fussy. I’m not squeamish and I don’t have an eye for that sort of detail. I don’t see it. I couldn’t care less if the spoons were sorted by size in the cutlery drawer. It makes no difference to me if  a dirty stain is left on the kitchen bench over night. I never notice if the hand towel hangs a little crooked on the peg in the bathroom and I don’t see why certain plates need to go certain places in the dish washer, when they clean all the same anywhere. I just don’t see it. I am sort of proud, by in this case a little frustrated, to say that I would make an absolutely atrocious housewife. I was not made for that life.

WHY AM I LIKE THIS? The one question I ask myself an infinite number of times every single day. I just need to pull myself together and stop focusing on the negative. Keep telling myself that I’ve only been here a week, and nobody expects me to be fully accomplished in that short a time. Just need to get that super memory that got me effortlessly through 13 years of school without ever breaking a sweat back into gear and memorise all the ridiculous, tiny details so I can get it right. Think of the perks and benefits. Suck it up. Get your shit together. 

Yep, that’s what I’m gonna do. Because what’s the alternative? Give up and go home?

No.

On top of everything, the weather has gone from this

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to this

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